Quiet at Last

I love my family, I love the giggles and the noise, but today was not one of those days.  My kids were being awesome, just hyper.  Giggling, running around, fighting, singing, talking........just noise.

Today I got home from work around 4:45 and the noise started.  When I fed them dinner it was quiet as soon as their mouths were empty......it started.  Like I said they were awesome tonight, but they are 3 and 4.  They wanted to watch a movie.  So they ran around being silly.  Jasmin asked me for something to eat every 5 minutes (I hope this kid is getting ready for a growth spurt).

All I wanted to do was hang out watch movies and sew.  I have not sewn for a while now and I want to hopefully finish a blanket this weekend that I started almost a year ago.  I tried, I think I had a bit of ADD myself.  I did work on it just did not get as much done as I hoped.  We tried Arthurs Christmas.....Payeton bounced back and forth between my room which had Wonder Pets and the front room.  Than we tried the Spiderman that just came out.......

Jeff finally at 9:45 said come join me so we rounded the kids, brushed teeth climbed into my bed, and the girls were still being noisey.  We finally got them to lay down.  Payeton, does not know how to be quiet.  She is chatter box.....CONSTANTLY.

We finally got them to settle down........and in about 3 minutes this is what they looked like!!!

Jasmin  and her teddy bear found the book over
the face the best way to fall asleep

Payeton thought her book was a good resting spot!

I want more kids, but after the noisey house tonight......I am rethinking.....ok not really........

I do love my kids I am just suprised at how much noise these 2 cute adorable little kids can make.  It did not bother me I was not frustrated, but now that everyone is alseep.  My ears are thanking me.......WOW it was a noisey night!

Complaining VS Doing

Yes, even I am guilty of this it seems like lately I have had a feeling of unease, frustration, irritation, confusion.....I am sure you get the idea.  I was talking to my husband last night.  I told him I am tired of the constant come and go of this un-easy feeling.  I cannot seem to pinpoint where it is coming from.  OK I know it is a Satan thing to make me self doubt, but I also believe that an un-easy feeling means that something is wrong and it is the Spirit telling you so. For me it has been a couple of months of off and on un-easy feelings.

So anyways - I was talking to my husband about this and he asked me what is going on.  I told him I have no idea.  I wish I knew because I would work on fixing the problem.  I told him I am not sure if it something going on him and school, work, stress of being broke, stress of not know what the next step is, stress of life and it is wearing me down.  If it because our house is un organized, because I have a ton of unfinished projects.  I don't know.  

He reply was, everything is good with him and school is going well.  It is very possible that it is just all the stress we have been through lately that has worn me down. He is unsure how to help.

So today as I was having the girls help me with cleaning up their room, putting books away, putting shoes away, making beds, vacuuming I realized how luck I really am.  I than moved to my room to strip the sheets off my bed so I can wash sheets.  I went down stairs and paused and looked at my laundry room/storage room.  WE HAVE A LOT OF CRAP.  Which we probably don't but because everything is so unorganized it feels like it.  

Than I got thinking.  Why do I feel like I never get anything accomplished and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I spend so much time complaining about how hard things are, how much money we don't have, how it has sucked that I have not had a place to call my own for 4 years.....(the list can keep going) that I have taken the time to stop and appreciate what I do have.  I need to take the energy I have been spending on complaining and start doing.  Even if I only have 5 minutes to work on something.  Take those 5 minutes and go clean a closet, vacuum a floor, etc. 

Than I realized that I spend a fair amount of time playing on the i-pad, the computer, Facebook, etc. If I were to set a timer and only allow myself a short amount of time each day and focus on getting done and cleaning up that I am sure at the end of the day I would feel a lot less stressed and our house would look a lot better!

So here is my change to stop complaining and start doing!

Cleft Palate

Cleft palate is an everyday term in our house.  Both of my daughters were born with a cleft palate.  To most jaws will hit the floor followed by the response "both your daughters were born with a cleft palate?"  I usually say "yes and my youngest is #8 in 3 generations".  Than the questions start to roll in. OR someone will ask me advice about nursing their babies. I just smile and say I am the wrong the person to ask.  The response usually entails "but you have 2 daughters" and I respond with a smile "your are right and I was unable to nurse either one".  Than the questions start pouring which leads us back to the cleft palate question.

I have a dear friend who has talked to a couple of people that she has ran into who had a child with a cleft palate and they get talking about and she will share my story with them and they ask her how I do it.  She responds to them because she has no choice.

My mom is visiting my sister in Texas and at church yesterday she over heard a conversation with a lady that has 4 children and her oldest was born with Pierre Robin Syndrome and her youngest was born with a cleft palate.  While I am not familiar with Pierre Robin Syndrome, I do know that the child is born with a cleft palate because the tongue was forced up during development which caused the palate not to close.  

Anyways mom over heard her and she started talking to her about me and my situation and all that we have gone through.  So my mom shared my information with her so she can ask questions and get help and support.  But as my mom and I were talking she told me I needed to started a support network or web page.  I had to laugh because I was actually just thinking about that same thing a few days ago.  

Doctors are wonderful, technology is amazing and a cleft palate is easily fixable.  The Dr's run through procedures, what will happen physically they will watch grow and development.  But they never touch on what to expect as a parent emotionally.  They never tell you want you as the parent are going to go through, the stress, the worry, the struggles, the tears before surgery......etc.  SO in talking to my mom she told me that this lady has a ton of questions and is struggling emotionally and wants the support of another parent that has been there, done that, has the sweatshirt.  

On top of trying to start my own sewing business (that I have felt the desire/need to do I will be taking on another project of starting a website to offer support to others that have children born with a cleft palate.  How? What will the content be?  Will it be utilized by others?  I have no idea I just know it is something I need to do.  Even if I can help others get in touch with people in their community so they can receive the support they want. FABULOUS.  

So here is to my new venture...........AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Hoarding vs Organized

Lately I have been cranky, irritable, frustrated, depressed.....OK I think you get the idea.  Part of it is the weather, part of it is being absolutely broke, part of it is that I work and am not a stay at home mom like I want to be, part of it is we have been in transition from house to house for the past 4 years.  OK I can go on and on about what causing my "funk", but after looking around I think I figured it out.

Part of it I feel like we live in this

OK I know we do not live like this....it just feels like this sometimes 

But I want to live in this

OK I realize this is not attainable realistically with a 3  year old and a 4 year old

So I have started a new quest.  I read some where that you cannot be happy in life if you are not happy now.  (or something along those lines).  I decided I am the one that can change the state of my house and I cannot wait until Jeff has a job, we get into a house of our own, we have more money, etc.  I need to start now.  So I have been looking online for Dollar Store organization tips, ideas, etc.  I have found some.  

But where do you begin.  I feel like everywhere I look I have an unfinished project.  So my goal lately is to make a list of all the projects I have and finish them.  I have banned myself of shopping at fabric stores.  Unless I NEED something to finish a project.  I have been working on quilt tops. 

As I open the cupboard I am trying to group foods together.  So all the peanut butter is in one spot. All the rice. ETC.  As I work on my cleaning up, cleaning out, mood I will be taking pictures of before and after.  Now all I have to do is wait for payday to tackle my first organizing project.

Un-Easy

(This is from October 13, 2012)

Today was......well interesting.  Well, it started out normal.  We woke up cut Jeff's hair for work, fed the girls got him out the door to work and it was me and the girls all day!  But when he left I was in a good positive get the house spit shined clean.  The girls helped me pick up their room and strip the sheets off the beds to be washed.  I started a fire, the first one of the season (that was a mistake by 2p.m. our house was a gazillion degrees and was not cooling down).  The girls helped me put toys away and I vacuumed the front room.  While I was vacuuming the girls were playing hide from the monster (the vacuum) they were all screams and giggles.  It was great. Than it started.  "MOM sissy touched me" "MOM, I want a drink" "MOM sissy won't leave me alone" "MOM can we decorate for Halloween?" "MOM......." OK I think you get the idea. 

All I wanted to clean up my kitchen which was long over due.  I had canned tomatoes, and pears during the week.  Not just a few jars, but SEVERAL jars.  I did not count the tomatoes, but the pears worked out to be 10 quarts and 9 pints.  My mom did all the apple juice and grape juice.  Her stove top can fit the juicer.  So my table is covered in canned foods, my cupboards are torn apart as I have started rearranging several times to make room for the new canned food,  my floor has a nice layer of sticky pear stuff and tomato guts.  The stove top was a sticky, yucky mess.  So I told the girls that I needed to clean the kitchen than we could do whatever we wanted.  So they picked out a Strawberry Shortcake movie and I thought perfect I can bust a move and get my kitchen cleaned up and back in order.  That thought lasted 10 seconds.  As I started cleaning the girls gave me the most innocent look ever and said "Mom, come sit with us and watch the movie"  How on earth do you say no to that?  Between the looks on their face and the sweet sweet tone they asked in and me feeling like I do not have enough sit down and cuddle time with my children I gave it. I sat between them on the couch.  In about 5 minutes I was starting to fall asleep.  So I grabbed a pillow and laid down on the floor and Jasmin sat down on the floor and leaned against my side and watched her movie.  I did not intend to fall asleep but, I DIED.  I was out in about 2 seconds.  

SO, I took a power nap and now that I was feeling better.  I jumped up and said "OK girls, mommy needs to clean the kitchen so why don't you play!  Do you want me to turn on some fun dancing music?"  They both said no and so I headed in the to kitchen when the "MOMS" started up again.  What was against me getting my kitchen cleaned today?  So I decided it was time out.  I put Jasmin in her room and told her she was not allowed to come out until I came in and got her.  She could nap, read books, lay on the bed.  I did not care as long as she did not come out.  I put Payeton on the front room couch with a pile of books a pillow and some blankets and told her she was not allowed off the couch until I told her she could.  That lasted 20 minutes as I frantically unloaded the dishwasher, scrubbed the stove top, reloaded the dishwasher, and washed dishes by hand.  Than I could hear Jasmin "MOM....MOM....MOM....CAN I COME OUT NOW...MOM...MOM...MOM"  I was ignoring her.  When I looked at the time I realized they were probably cranky because they were hungry.  After all it was 2:30 p.m.  I made lunch and got the girls out of time out and they ate 3 bites. "MOM my tummy hurts" "MOM I don't like it" "MOM....."  Seriously? We got through lunch, while they ate I wiped down jars and labeled them.  So we finally decorated for Halloween.  

Than it was time to tackle the laundry that has been piling up on my bed all day long.  Just as I was finishing Jeff called and asked what I wanted for dinner.  He brought dinner home we ate.  Payeton peed her pants - we showered her.  We ate dinner Jasmin was showered.  Jeff unloaded the dishwasher.  We were waiting for our sheets to be out of the dryer so we could make the bed I sat down at the computer to work on a few things.  Jeff was on the bed with the girls when.......The evening got crazy.  

It was 7:30 and my plan was to put kids to bed early....I told them after Doc McStuffins it was time for bed.  They said OK so they were cuddling with Jeff when I heard a bizarre noise....almost like someone was trying to stop a ceiling fan.  Jeff jumped up and yelled at me...."SHE'S BLEEDING!!!"  I was trying to run in from the office to our bedroom.  My thought was.  What do you mean she is bleeding?  Jasmin had her hands over her mouth and I asked what happened and she pointed at her mouth.  I thought OK big deal she bit her tongue.  But  her eyes said other wise.  They were huge.  Than I panicked I thought OH MY GOSH SHE SWALLOWED HER TONGUE!!!! OK how I don't know that is what I thought.  

Jeff picked her up and said look she is bleeding.  I took her from Jeff and carried her to our bathroom to figure out what was going on.  The entire time Jasmin kept her hand clamped over her mouth.  Than Jeff handed me a towel as I sat her down on the toilet and tried to figure it out.  She started to cough when blood splattered out of her hands.....I started to freak out.  I handed her the towel and she coughed big time and quite a bit of blood came out.  She started to gag so I picked her opened the toilet and she started to throw up.  She has an extremely sensitive gag reflex.  She kept throwing up and a lot of blood.  As she was throwing up Jeff came in and said the back scratcher was crammed down her throat (the non scratching end) and he brought it and there was a large piece of skin on the back of it.  Jasmin looked over and started to gag again.  We wiped it off and I stepped out of the bathroom so Jeff could help her - I do not do the throw up thing.  

We got her to calm down I set her back on the toilet and looked at her.  She was scared.  I told her she was OK, but I needed to know what happened.  She said that the back scratcher went down her throat.  She was chewing on the non scratching end and was laying between Jeff's legs.  He was on his stomach.  He rolled over or moved his leg and it hit the back scratcher and forced it down her throat.  The bleeding stopped really quick which was good, but when we looked at her throat it looked like there was a huge gash down the right side of her throat.  We debated about taking her in to the ER and than you could hear that her throat was a little bit swollen.  Nothing major.....like a sore throat swollen.  So I took her to the ER.  The nurse laughed that a back scratcher went down her throat.  

Jasmin was awesome.  She answered all of the nurses questions about how the "scratcher back" (Jasmin's words) went down her throat.  The end result was the DR came in and looked at her and said that she bruised her left tonsil area, her right tonsil area, and her Uvula I never knew you could do that.  My concern was that because of her cleft palate that she tore it open again even though she had surgery in 2009.  The DR looked and said everything was good and she was OK.  He looked at her  and asked "do you want to spend the night here or go home and sleep?"  My thought was he wants to keep us to make sure she is OK.  Jasmin said she wanted to go home and sleep and he said "Sounds like a great plan to me.....You should go home and climb into bed"  He discharged up and she is OK.  

We were home just before 9 and Jeff said Dave Jacobson is coming over to talk to us.  They want to give us callings and wanted to see what we thought. What callings we like, which ones we hated, etc.  So we chit chatted for a while.  He left we got kids into bed again. Now it is 10:30.  I finished up some things I needed to do and climbed into bed.  Jeff and I are talking and laughing and I am paranoid about Jasmin.  Than I get an uneasy feeling that flows over me.  I cannot get it to go away and I am pooped all I want to do is go to sleep.  GRRR.  

Yesterday my mom and I were talking about how she thinks I might be diabetic.  Not the first time I have heard that.  My doctor thinks I am pre-diabetic.  But my mom was saying that I have been very irritable lately.  Everything grates on me.  I have been yelling at everyone .....it has been bad.  I am not depressed just gaining weight and irritable.  She said she was talking to a friend of hers as they were headed to the temple about irritability and how I have been very irritable lately.  Her friend works in a senior living place and she was saying that they can tell when an elderly is becoming diabetic because they start to get irritable. My mom and I were always told that the signs were you drink like crazy and drop weight extremely fast.  Not necessarily the case.  So my moms friend said that her daughter, who is also a nurse, noticed she was becoming very irritable over everything.  The daughter took her mom to the drug store bought a blood sugar testing kit and tested her blood.  Her blood sugar was at 500.  The daughter than said OK mom we are now going to the ER. That is how my my moms friend discovered she was diabetic.  So my mom pointed out that I have been very irritable for a while now.  Over EVERYTHING.  No joke and she is encouraging me to get my blood sugar tested to see if that is my problem.  I have been gaining weight and have no desire to exercise.  

So tonight as I lay in bed I keep thinking I am diabetic.  Than my mind starts to go.  I do not want to die young.  I do not want to die before my girls grow up I do not want to leave them motherless.  What does that mean?  I don't want to give my self injections.  I don't want to give up soda and ice cream.......but I am thinking that is why I am not at ease tonight.  Something is for sure wrong with me. I am extremely over weight I am cranky all the time.  I am tired all the time.  I just want to be left alone.  I am not depressed. I have been there done that.  But something is wrong with me.  I do not know what, but I have had the feeling for a long time now that something is wrong with me.  Not terminally wrong, but that something is wrong.  I am tired of going to the Dr.s but something is wrong.  I do not even know where to begin with figuring it out.  So I guess the first step is to find a blood testing kit to see if I am diabetic.  I need to find someone that has a kit and borrow it or have them help me test.

Well anyways think I am going to finally go to bed.

WALKING......

Lately my husband has been supporting me in loosing weight and getting my leg back in shape (I ruptured my Achilles tendon in December).  I walk roughly 1.2 miles a day.  For some that is the warm up, BUT there is a hill I walk up that is.....well torturous.  I mean really.  I walk my neighborhood two times so I walk this hill two times.  

While on my walk I passed a young girl that I know that was running with her dog.  Not jogging, not trotting, but running.  It started my thinking.  I have never been a particularly small person.  I am very German, very Viking which translates into a large frame and large muscles.  Although right now I am mostly fat.  But in high school when I was playing sports year round I had to wear men's jeans because my thighs and my butt were too big to fit into women's jeans.  

So anyways back to my thought process.  I was watching her run down the street and I was thinking....RUNNING IS EVIL.  I played soccer for 23 years, but running.  running to run is EVIL.  In high school the first hour of soccer practice was running.  I mean like...."OK girls go for your 45 minute run"  I dreaded it.  I HATED IT.  Swimming on the other hand.  Let me go swim laps for an hour and I would be a happy campier.  Than I started thinking.  WOW to have that much energy.  WOW to be back down to 170......(that's what I weighed when my husband and I started dating 6 years ago.  Six years later, 2 kids 13 months apart, and 3 surgeries later, I have gained almost 100 pounds.  HOW DEPRESSING!!!! What to do about?  I know I know eat healthier, work out, drink more water, be more active, join a gym.   Well in my perfect world I would have a gym membership, I would be a stay at home mom, I could cook and we would have a small work out room so while we watch our evening movie I can jump on the elliptical training and work out. HOWEVER, reality is I cannot cook, I am lucky to go pee by myself, and I feel like more often than not I run around like a chicken with my head cut off.  

I have been loosing weight slowly......LET ME STRESS SLOWLY.  According to my scale at home I was doing great and than I stood on the scale at the doctors office and I though "OK you added weights to the scale because my scale at home does not say that.......CRAP"....

To be truthful my weakness is that I love sweet things, I love drinking soda, and I do not enjoy eating.  I much rather snack all day long and drink soda.  I think water is gross, it is bland, and drinking it is a chore.  But the older I get the more I have noticed that I enjoy drinking ice cold water.  So I am slowly drinking more water.  My biggest fear in life is that I am gonna be one of those 380 pound women that cannot get out of bed.   AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  

That was my thought process on my walk tonight. 

Have you ever stopped and really looked around?  I have been doing that lately as we are trying to find a more permanent place to live.  I have really taken in my surroundings.  Where I live now.  Neighborhoods that I want to live in.  But more importantly I have taken the time to look at my things.

I have noticed the older I get that the media tells us what we cannot live without.  We cannot live without the newest phone, the newest computers, the new game that is now in 3D, we cannot live without the pair of shoes that make us feel like we are running on clouds.  ETC.  I am sure I could go on and on about what we are told that we cannot live without.

I must be old fashioned or against change.  The other day my husband and I went to go "upgrade" his cell phone.  He has an old Verizon flip phone LG.  It still works he can make calls and receive calls.  He can text and take pictures and that is it.  He does not have a full keyboard so he has to hit each key numerous times to get the letter he wants.  He cannot surf the Internet he cannot post to Facebook, he cannot no do anything other than call.  People often laugh at us because his phone is about 10 years old, been through the wash a few times.  Took a swim in a swimming pool, been drooled on by kids, dropped on the cement, you name it his phone has endured and what I love. IT STILL WORKS....My sister and brother-in-law both have these fancy dancy phones that do almost anything you want.  I am surprised that they do not have the fold your laundry app on it yet. However, they have both gone through 3 or 4 phones in the last 2 years.  

So back to my story.  We were in Verizon and we told them we want a phone and they asked what we were looking for and I chimed in and said a phone.  And the guy chuckled and said we can help you so what kind of phone do you want?  Touch screen, i-phone, Droid based, etc.  I looked at him and said we want a phone.  He had that look like "DUH you idiot we have phones what phone".  After his look I reached in to my husbands pocket (he loves to wear carpenter pants so the pocket is on the side of his leg) and I said we want a phone as he looked down at the counter and he laughed and said "oh well they don't make that kind of phone anymore"  I said I know but that is the phone we want"

Needless to say we did not upgrade his phone.  But what made me laugh is that in order to upgrade a phone it seems like you must purchased a phone with a data package that allows you to surf the Internet, cook your dinner and clean your house.  What kills me is that they have these great phones, but you have to sign a 2 year contract, buy a data package, upgrade you current plan because every other week they decided they do not want to support on plan or another, and you have to pay local taxes, state taxes, federal taxes, a fee for this an activation fee, and changing your underwear fee and who knows what else, but hey they will get you going in a plant that only cost $69.99 plus your $39.99 data package plan plus all your taxes so when your bill shows up in the mail you discover you went over your gigabytes by 3, you talked 3 minutes to long, and you got that spam text from some company you never heard and now you have to take out a lone to pay your $150/month bill.  All because you want a new phone.  What happened to the good ol' Nokias?

Its not that I am against technology, but what happened to the simple days?  Before technology decided to rule our world? These advances were created to make our lives simpler, but I feel like it has made my life harder.  Once I get something figured out, it seems like a company made "improvements" which only causes me headaches because now I have to figure it out all over again.

My mom often tells me I was born in the wrong era.  The older I get I totally agree.  I should have been born in the 50's or 60's.............

TUSAL - ORT  So this month has just been as crazy.  I keep thinking that once school was done and my husband was done with his classes for the year that things would calm down.  I feel like I have only added a few strings to the jar this month.  But enjoy anyways.  Here is the link to the fun TUSAL that I am doing http://itsdaffycat.blogspot.com/.

Thinking

As I sit here at my computer thinking about what my next week brings I got thinking about life.   I know I have made the comment about how the Amish do it right, they are minimalists.  It amazes me that we are in rush to earn as much money as we can so can have the newest, fastest, biggest, shiniest, toys and stuff, we want to have a huge house, fast cars, new clothes, new gizmo's, etc.  But I look at the Amish and think about how blessed they are. They are not caught up in the wants, they have what they need.  As I sit here in my office working on homework thinking about how much I have to get done by Wednesday and the stuff piled in every corner.  Stuff to get rid of, stuff to finish, books to read, projects to finish, games to play, pictures to sort, bills to sort through, etc. I get exhausted.  HOLY COW how did I end up with so much stuff?  


I often make comments to my husband, I cannot wait until you have a good paying job so I can buy a new car, new shoes, more fabric, more toys for the kids, more books, in general more.  I know that you cannot buy happiness, but how easy it is to get caught up in thinking we can buy happiness.  I actually stopped and thought about this the other day. I told my husband that I know I want more, but in reality I want to be a stay at home mom and if that means I drive a used car with high miles and we have a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house and we shop at Goodwill I don't care I just want to be a stay at home that has what I need to help my family grow.  Than I turned on the TV and saw the  "must have car".  Where did we go wrong from filling our houses with love to now filling our houses with stuff?  


I would love to pile all my stuff up in a metal garbage can (except my scriptures, journals and pictures) and light everything on fire and start over.  I cannot believe how much stuff a family of 4 has.  When did this happen?


Ok study break over it is time to get back to my homework.....only 2 more weeks and I will have my masters and can move on to bigger better things.............whatever that might be.

ORT

So this month I got an entire project done, excpet for the baby's name.  I am waiting for my friend to have her baby and I continued on with another project while I started two new ones.  My jar is not getting very full very fast compared to everyone elses..........Hopefully by the end of the year my Jar will be full.

 End of the year I hope my jar will be full!

 Not much more than last month......I  must be doing something wrong?!

 This is an alphabet one "Families are Forever:

Just waiting for my friend to have her baby to add the name

TUSAL - ORT

Like I need more things to do in my life!! I have joined a fun contest called - Totally Useless Sew-A-Long.  It is where you take pictures each month of your stitching and post it.  It is really totally useless, but fun.  I have never thought about taking pictures to see what progress you make each month.  The first picture is what I took last month and the second one is the one I took tonight.  The other trick to this little contest is that you keep a jar with all your ends in it and you will eventually fill up a jar with lot of string and it is actually really cool looking.  My jar is not that full as I did not make a lot of progress.  




http://itsdaffycat.blogspot.com/2011/11/totally-useless-stitch-long.html

Miracle - for a friend who after years of trying is finally pregnant!

ABC Families are forever - this is exactly what it looks like one month later

Miracle one moth Later 

My ORT jar - Not much there, but I am hopeful that it will soon be full!

Should, Want, Need

I know what I should do, I know what I want to do, and I know what I need to do. How come those three things never seem to line up? I should go fold clothes, I want to go back to bed, but I need to do homework. Sometimes I wish I could stop time....you know like in the show "Out of This World"? Sometimes an extra 20 minutes of working on something would be great. So I wish I could stop time for 20 minutes continue working, restart time and none would be the wiser. All well.

I am slowly learning how to get things done. Since I have gotten rid of Facebook, it is amazing at how much more time I have. I do not miss the drama of everyone else's life. I have enough problems as is. I also wasted a lot of time playing the games. How did that help me improve my life, get rid of things, finish projects, spend time with my girls? It didn't so I decided I was done. It has be a few weeks now and it has been nice.

Well I think I procrastinated enough I need to pretend I have to go to work and should get some house work done without the 2 cutest girls in the world distracting me.

Have a great day!

Instead of Candy!

Today is Easter and I have been meaning to make this post for a while so here we go.

I am not sure about you, but by the time Easter rolls around I am tired of candy. We have Halloween, than eat crazy for Thanksgiving, next we have Christmas and in my husbands family they fill stockings with small items and load it up with candy. Once

we recover from Christmas it is C Valentines day which of course means more candy. Than there is Easter.

On Friday my husband took the girls to the coast to visit his parents for an over night trip and I stayed home. My mom came over and we pulled down the box of accumulating candy and I threw it away it was old and gross and no one was eating it. I took some Valentine candy and filled the Easter eggs.

A while ago on Pinterest I say an alternative to Valentines candy. Someone had the marvelous idea to take their old crayons peel them, cut them up, put them in a heart shaped mold made out of silicone - it almost looked like an ice cube tray - and she put the tray in her oven at 230 degrees for 15 minutes and came out multi colored heart shaped crayons. GENIUS!

For Easter I went to Joanns and got an egg shaped silicone mold that I am sure is used for candy making. Than I went to dollar store got some crayons. My 2 girls and my husband helped me peel the crayons and the girls thought it was fun to break them up.

This is my mixed up broken crayons that we worked on as a family!

This is the silicone Mold. Yes it needs to be silicone it is easier to work with. I discovered that you need to put the mold on a cookie sheet. It is easier to remove from the oven.

Here is what the mold looks like when it is filled with the broken crayons. After the molds are filled you place in the oven at 230 degrees for 15 minutes. My girls had fun helping me put the crayons in the mold. Again place the mold on the cookie sheet.

Here is the finished product. It is a crayon that the kids will have fun with. After I pulled the mold from the oven I put in the freezer. I had to make 36 eggs for the girls preschool class so I needed to get them hard fast to make another set.

I believe this was the second batch. I place these eggs inside of large Easter eggs for the a the egg hunt, but there is no reason why you could not hide them like this. The best part is if you don't find them all you don't have to worry about ants or smells. It will be a fun surprise later in the year!

I used Dollar Store crayons and they worked just find, but there was a layer of wax that was on the flat side to the crayone that was milky in color with out an color. I know Crayola would work a lot better, but I was on a tight budget this year.

I plan on looking for other molds for different holidays. Instead of candy at Halloween I was thinking it would be fun to find pumpkin and ghost molds and pass them out to the neighborhood kids. The only secret is to find different molds.

I hope.......

As people write about their life, I often will stop and think "Wow they are so amazing, they sound so educated and profound and my life is touched, not changed but touched.  I like to know that I am not the only one that is going through a rough patch, trial, struggle, etc.  As I write about my life, how cute my kids are, how hard life is, things that I have learned over the course of a trial, I hope that people do not read about me and think...."wow she is a drama queen" or "I just wasted my time reading that".  Am I profound? Do I touch peoples life? Do people want to be like me?

Growing up I have never felt important, I never felt as though I fit in anywhere, I never felt profound.  I have always felt that I not important, but not invisible.  I am just there.  To this day as I near my 30's I can count on one hand how many "close" friends I have.  I have a lot of friends, but I only have a handful I know I could call at 3 am in tears because something terrible happened, or I can call at 11pm with the best news in the world and I know I am not bothering them.  One of which happens to be my mom.

My mom is a person that is not just my mom or friend, but she is my hero.  I view her not as a mom, but as a counselor, Dr., nurse, chef, maid, a grandma, wife, teacher, seamstress, lawyer, mediator, peace keeper, ambulance, coach.....I think you get the idea.  I never understood what people meant that moms wear many different hats.  But now that I am mom of 2 small children I understand what that phrase means.  I find myself starting to fill out more of these roles everyday and many more to learn about.  How do moms do it?  How did my mom do it?  I often have told my young women teachers and best friends that if I can become half the mom my mom is I will consider my motherhood a success.

As I watch the news at night, and look back at how much my parents protected me. I hope that I have the wisdom, and knowledge of how to protect my children as well as they did.  I do not mean from robbers, and hurricanes, but the negative influences that are out there.  From people doing drugs, harming people for no reason, and any other negative influences that life brings.  I want my children to be aware, but innocent as they grow up.  Is that even possible these days?  The world record for the youngest pregnant person that delivered a living child is 5.. 5 YEARS OLD ARE YOU JOKING ME?  I hear all the time of 12 and 13 year olds giving birth to healthy babies.  Really at 12 I was more worried about how I was going to get to soccer practice, if I passed my math test, if the game coming up will be a good one, who am I going to call to hang out with over spring break.  Now I watch little girls get pregnant and are forced to grow up at such a young age.  I think "where is their parent?  How old is their parent?  Why are kids having sex?  It scares me as I have 2 little girls that I want to put into a closet and protect until they are 34.  I know I cannot do it so I how do I become the mom where my children will feel comfortable talking to me?  How do I become a wise person that can raise my children in such a difficult world?  As I think these thoughts I often ask my self how did my mom do it?  How many sleepless night did she have without us kids knowing it?  How often did my mom say a silent prayer that we would come home at the end of the day safe?  How many nights did she cry herself to sleep because she felt like she was a failure?

Being a mom is worth it but it is stressful and scary.  I am grateful that I married someone that is very wise to the world and knows what happens out there.  The old adage "ignorance is bliss" well that is me.........ignorant.  I do not listen to the news because it depresses me, I often cry and become angry when I hear about another dead child, or a child in the hospital because of child abuse.  I get scared when I hear about a school shooting, I get nervous when I hear about bullying.  I do not want my kids exposed to any of that, but it is unavoidable.  I am grateful that my husband is aware of what is going on and he can tell me in a manner that it does not upset me as much.  I am grateful to have the spirit to help guide me as the what to do with my children.  I am grateful for friends and family that are there to help me out and discuss current events and what we need to do to better protect our children.

Being a parent is stressful, it is not easy, but when my 3 year old climbed into bed with me this morning after my husband went to school and says "mom I slept to fast I don't want to be awake"Or when my 2 year old comes out of her room for the umpteenth time after we had prayers, read stories, and cuddled, and I am ready to yell at her to go to bed and stay put because bed time was 3 hours ago and she walks down the hall and looks up at her dad and says "daddy I am happy" and my husband stops and looks at her and smiles and replies "I am glad you are happy, but you know what will make me happy is if you go to bed and go to sleep" and she thinks for a minute "Ok daddy I will I love you too"  It brings a smile to my face. I am glad that I have my children and that I am a mom, that I have the chance to raise such sweet souls. It also makes me want to carry a tape recorder around to catch all the silly and sweet phrases that come out of their mouths.

Sweet exchanges like this happen regularly and they serve as a reminder of how innocent they are and as an affirmation to me that we are doing a good job raising our children.  I know it will only get harder as they get older, but I hope that I only become wiser and stronger to raise spirits that Heavenly Father has trusted me to raise.  Which brings me back to  I hope I am half the mom my mom is.

What to Do?

Fathers day is around the corner I am trying to figure out what to do. I have a few projects that I am working on mentally, but I am trying to decide how much time I have and what the girls should do. I want to do something above and beyond breakfast in bed give him a card.......Sometimes I wish the funds were endless and the time was in abundance.

As I was at Joann's today pricing ideas for fathers day I realized that I have not even started stuff for Easter. Now I am trying to decide what to do for the girls Easter Baskets. Luckily they are young enough that I can do a Dollar Store Easter and they would love it. But I am torn between doing a traditional Easter or if I should do more of a religious Easter. I found cute print outs on line that I can make into quiet books for the girls to help teach them. But the girls love to color eggs. So many choices........AHHHHHHH Martha Stuart come to my house and do it for me. Ok not really. Is it bad that I fantasize about the day that I will be able to sit at home all day and be artsy fartsy? Will I ever have that chance? In the mean time I do will do what I can with what I have. The more important thing is that we are together as a family and enjoy another fun day with our girls that are growing so fast!

I DID IT!

I borrowed the book Sewn With Love: Classic Patterns for Children's Clothes and Accessories by Fiona Bell. From a friend to make the Full Circle Dress that is on the front cover.

So I put it on her and she twirled and danced in it. SHE LOVED IT. She likes to grab the skirt and move it around like the flamenco dancers do in their beautiful skirts. It turned out really cute and my daughter (Jasmin) now thinks it is her princess dress. OK lets be real...every dress that I make for the girls they think it is their new princess dress.

My youngest daughter (Payeton) soon became very jealous and tried to bite the dress off Jasmin. This is not uncommon. Well the biting part is uncommon, but the jealousy part is not. I try to make 2 dresses at the same time because my girls are only 13 months apart and have the attitude of "what is yours is mine" Only they have not figured out the taking turns part yet.

So that night when we went to bed my husband looked at me and asked "When are you going to make a dress like that for Payeton?" I was in shock that he asked me. I looked back at him and said "Are you serious? You want me to make another one for Payeton? You do realize that was 5 yards of fabric, 2 hours to cut, 28 hours to put it together. You really want me to make another one?" He paused and thought carefully about his response. "You did such a good job on it and Payeton is sad that she does not have one." As I glared at him I thought he does not ask me to make things often he lets me do my own thing and he really likes. "Fine I said I will make another one, but I need help finding fabric." He agreed to go with me to Joann's. I was shocked he always finds an excuse to not to go with me.

A few weeks later we went to Joann's, and he picked out the fabric and after a few weeks of off and on working it, and throwing it across the room a couple of times I finished the dress last night and it turned out really cute. I am glad I did it. The girls wore their dresses to church today and they looked adorable.

Truly Blessed

Tonight Jeff is off on a retreat with a mens chorus group that he has joined. So the girls and I had some pizza and watched a Barbie movie......Thumbalina. It was cute, but the girls and I sat and were cuddled up a blanket. Payeton was on my lap and Jasmin was sitting on the couch next to me and was leaning on me. It was great. It made me realize how truly blessed I am in this life.

I came home from work thinking " I really miss my single days, living alone" I really was wanted to come home put on my fat lady pants and hide and work on homework and answ

er to nobody. But I couldn't.....I had to get dinner going, spend time with the kids, and be a mom. I love being a mom, but every once in a while I count down the minutes until bed time. Tonight started out as one of those nights until we were cuddling. I love my girls, they make me so happy. I have a roof over my head, I have a husband who is working his butt off to get a degree to support his family, we are healthy, and we both work. Sure life is hard, but who doesn't have a hard life right now? But we are blessed. I could not have asked for sweeter set of little girls.

See what I mean they are just so sweet and they love their daddy way to much!!! Is that possible?

On Wednesday morning when the girls woke up Jasmin staggered into our office and was looking out the window. I had taken down the currents to wash them and she turns around and looks in our bedroom where we were waking up and she gets a really excited grin on her face "mommy its snowing....its snowing look mom" It was cute she reminded me of a 9 or 10 year old on Christmas morning of how excited she was.

It is the sweet moments in life like that - that make it worth being a parent!

Where Has The Time Gone?

As I sit and think about where time has gone.....I can honestly say I have no idea. It seems that the days just roll into each other. Then one day I will sit and look at a calender and think "OH MY GOSH IT IS ALREADY MARCH?" I stop to think if I have done anything productive or worth while. I want to say no, but when I stop and list the things that have gotten done. I remind myself that yes I have gotten things done.

This year started out crazy for me. On December 29, 2011 I ruptured my Achilles tendon in a soccer game. I had surgery on January 6, 2012. The surgeon told me it was one of the worse ones he has seen. Not the worst, but it ranks up there. I did what they call a mop end rupture, so pretty much my tendon exploded. During surgery he had to dig up into my calf to find all of the tendon. Than he had to tie the bundles of fibers together before he was able to tie the tendon back together again. I now have a beautiful 4 inch scar on my left calf and heel. On January 16, 2012 I was lucky enough to be put into a cast. A hot pink cast (my daughters picked the color).My toe was pointed down so I could not even walk on my cast I was on crutches. Than on February 13, 2012 my cast was cut off and I was given a boot. You know the big black attractive boots. Yeah I got one of those. I wore that around for while. On February 24, 2012 it was my first day without crutches since December 29, 2011. I went back to the surgeon on March 11, 2012 where he told me things are looking as good as can be expected and that he was really pleased with how I was healing. He told me when I was ready to I could start wearing shoes. So on March 13, 2012 I wore shoes for the first time. It felt so good.

Now, I walk around with a limp which is getting better, but at the end of the day my ankle and foot looks like I am pregnant. It is very swollen and sore.

During that time I have been able to get some cleaning done of boxes, a few sewing projects, and other small unfinished things around the house, but over all I feel like I am not a productive person because of what I do not get done. I hope that once I am done with school things will start to calm down a little I can start focusing on all my sewing projects and get some more projects crossed off my to do list.