No More Facebook!

So about 2 weeks ago after some serious thinking and realizing I deleted Facebook.  I am excited to say that I do not miss it at all.  Jeff still has his going and every now and then he will call out and say hey come check this out.  It is usually a video or a picture, but honestly, it is amazing at how liberating it has been to not be caught up in every ones drama, woes of life, stresses, pity parties.......Or to be comparing my self to how awesome everyone else is and how lame, boring, uninteresting my life seems.

Have I gotten more done?  No not necessarily.  But I have found I am in bed at an earlier time, my anxiety, stress and frustration level have dropped, and I am content.  I figured that my true friends will stay in touch.  But now I focus more on my children than me.....and that is how it is suppose to be.

Now to learn to budget my time better and find motivation to get projects done.  I have a ton of them and I have a large fabric stash.....not as big as many, but big enough that I am trying to whittle away at. I just keep imagining that one day I will have my craft room and it will be organized and glorious.......in reality it will probably not happen, but that is OK.  I am am working on myself to become better organized and a better house keeper.

I read this quote

It made me think.....who do I want my kids to be....what do I need to change in order to show them that.  I feel like they focus on my weaknesses, but I know they don't.  The other morning I had a melt down and YELLED at Jasmin.  After I did I felt like I was about 1 inch tall, the worst mothering moment in a long time......I dropped her off at pre-school and I gave her a hug and I apologized for the millionth time.  She looked at me and she said "it's OK mom your still my favorite mom ever".  I left with a smile on my face.

Back to getting rid of Facebook.  I feel much happier and not pressured to see every ones life on Facebook.  If they really want to tell me something they can call me up, e-mail the pictures and the stories, or they can invite me over.  I felt like Facebook was high school for adults.  I was excited to be done with high school because of the drama that was around, but yet here I am a mother, and I was placing myself in the middle of drama by choice.

Happy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF!

Happy Birthday old man

Today is Jeff's birthday...he is officially old (no really he is old).  I made him some homemade from scratch blueberry muffins with a strussel on top.  

Jeff sitting down to his cards and blueberry muffin

They are yummy.  My seminary teacher in high school would make them when we had a long week or when we had breakfast.  During the week we could "dollars" for doing things like complete pages, staying caught up the reading, being there, etc.  I saved mine and we had an auction and one of the auction items was her recipe and tins to make the muffins.  I only pull it on special occasions because they are YUMMY.

I am trying to do more with my Cricut

So anyways I made a homemade card, the girls made their cards and well we had a yummy breakfast with Orange juice.

I am lucky to have this man in my life.  He is way to go to me and the kids.  I am excited to spend too many to count birthdays and years with him.

The girls are really getting into crafting and they asked if they could make their own birthday cards for Jeff.  I said "of course you can" so we pulled out the colors and the paper and they made their own birthday cards that are very colorful and fun.  I am proud of how much my kids have grown.

Payeton working very hard on her card for daddy

Payeton's birthday card

Jasmin loves to write and color and craft

Jasmin's birthday card

Jasmin is my artsy fartsy kid

This morning was good and tonight I making his favorite breakfast.  Pork chop breakfast!

Princess????

*****CONTAINS 1 "GRAPHIC" PHOTO*****

Wednesday was an eventful day.  I was getting ready for work and around 11:30am I got a call from Jasmin's preschool.  After I said hello the first thing that was said is. "Jasmin is OK, but she tripped and split her chin open, but she is OK."  They told me what happened and asked if I wanted to come look at it and see if she needs stitches.  I jumped in the car and went to her preschool. On the way there I called into work telling them I will be in just not sure when. My supervisor is amazing and he said "no worries go take care of your daughter". Once I got there I knew she needed stitches.  I looked at her chin and knew.  How you ask.....I am a mom that is how I knew.  We got her stuff and I got her loaded into the car.  She was happy and silly the entire time.  The director of the preschool told me that she did not even cry when she slipped.  The director of the preshool sat with her the entire time with an ice pack and towels to help stop the bleeding and to be with her until I got there.

She was playing princess and was climbing the slide (I think, when I was being told the story I tuned out most of it.  I got princess, slide, and tripped) and she tripped and hit her chin on the slide and she never cried.  My thought was....are we talking about the same child.  She throws a hissy fit like someone cut off her arm when she falls.  So anyways in the car she is being silly and kept asking me to lower the mirror she wanted to look at her chin.  She was fascinated the entire time.

I debated about taking her to Silverton Hospital as I was already half way there, but I opted for Salem....DUMB IDEA.........We get there get checking in and Jasmin asked me.  "Mom what does my chin look like" So I take a picture with my dumb phone.........

As we are waiting Jeff calls and he comes to wait with me.  My mom is headed in to pick up Payeton so we can attend to Jasmin.  I checked into the ER around 12:30 or so and we wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait....OK I think you get the idea.  I thought it is Wednesday at lunch time we will be in and out fast.......WRONG.....Not only did we wait we waited with old people....not just old people...old cogity cranky people.   There was one OLD guy that.......well I told Jeff he turns out like him we are divorcing...PERIOD.....There was a little boy in the ER waiting with his family, I am not sure for what, but he started screaming, the squealing screaming.  The I am happy squeal scream. This old guy "Shut that darn (editing here) kid up"  He went back to his crossword puzzle.  The little boy screamed again "I swear if that was my kid he would never being that int he first play.....Shut that kid up just smack him.......People these days do not know how to raise kids......." OK he had a few choice words in there.  I wanted to tell him to shut up....( Oh the ER waiting room stories I am collecting).  He than looked at Jasmin and said, "but your parents are raising you right you are being so polite and quiet you are such a good girl." Gotta love old people.

We told Jasmin while waiting that she would get stitches and started explaining to her what they do.  She started to freak out and cry....OK so she splits her chin open and does not cry, but cry's over not getting a big band aid......I love her

My siblings added to the humor of waiting.  My sister told me her son did a better job and splitting open his chin and he did not end up in the ER. (She has an old fashioned family DR that does EVERYTHING in office). My oldest brother said just whip out the super glue and let the dog lick it clean.  My youngest brother mentioned that athletic tape works the best and he will send me some.....Than my older sister told me I need to learn to do stitches on my own.......I retorted that I have never had stitches so why would I give something I have never had....she is a princess.  My mom said that I need to protect my daughter from idiots that come in with 3 degree burns on their ding -a-ling (Hilarious story for another day)...My oldest brother told me it is a good place to boost the immune system.  So while the wait was long it was very entertaining.

We are soon called back 3 hours later after I was told the wait was only about 1 hour. In the room we wait and wait and wait.  I took a power nap. Finally the Dr. comes in and says yep we need stitches.  Jasmin freaked and in the middle of her tears she kept saying "No I don't want them...NO needles, no needles, no needles, just a big band aid." The Dr laughed.  We got her to calm down by bribing her with ice cream.  She was nervous I do not blame her one bit. But she was a champ.  I am so proud of her. She now has blue stitches in her chin. Blue because they did not have pink or purple only blue or black.  So 4 hours of waiting and 7 stitches later.........

 She is my rock star.  She got her first set of stitches before I did.  I am 30 and have never had stitches....well I should not say that I have had 4 oral surgeries...stitches dissolve, 2 kids stitches to do repair work. My gallbladder removed, laparoscopic, my appendix removed, laparoscopic, and my tendon repaired....Staples for that one to close up my leg.  But as far as stitches go from falling or cutting myself....nope.  However, broken bones.....Yep I am a pro at those.

I am one proud mom of how strong and brave Jasmin was during this entire ordeal.  Now she tells me she wants to keep them because they feel like hair on her chin and now she has hair like daddy does.   It looks like she has blue whiskers growing if you look at her.......

To Facebook or Not to Facebook....

While working on my masters degree I decided to give up Facebook.  Like I deleted my account.  I was spending way more time on Facebook than I was reading, studying, writing papers, etc.  So I decided to be done with it.  I was actually amazed at how much better I felt by not reading every one's drama, getting caught up in the he said she said, and not reading how terrible every one's life is. EVERYONE is going through tough times, EVERYONE has crappy days, EVERYONE has drama, so why do I need to be bogged down by everyone else problems when I have plenty of my own problems?

Tonight was a prime example of the crap I am tired of.  Someone made a post that was quite humorous and extremely true, and opinion of what has been observed, but someone else took it out of context and soon the Facebook war/argument/debate took place.  As the night progressed my mind was brought back to a talk in General Conference by Dallin H. Oaks in October 2007 "Good Better Best".  Good is OK, better is great, best is what we should be aiming for.  For each of us in life each area is different and we should not judge one another of what we claim to be good, better, and best and during different phases of our life it will change as well.  So as I was thinking about this Facebook is good, it is a great place to keep in touch with friends, see what is going on, share our fun moments in life, ask for help from all of friends at the same time, but it is not better and it is far from best.  I find I waste a lot of time on Facebook.  Jeff laughs at me at the simple fact that I have to check my farm CONSTANTLY, but I should be paying attention to my kids, playing games with them, doing crafts, reading books, making dinner, not getting frustrated that they are interrupting me.

I am reminded often of why I decided to delete my Facebook in the first place.  The world is so negative, that I should be spending time building myself up, building up my family, building my relationship with Christ, my husband, my children, my friends around me.  Instead I walk away after hours of wasted time feeling torn down, depressed, and the life sucked out of me.  I have been trying hard to focus on the positive things in life because I tend to dewell on the negative and only see the negative.  Some days the only positive thing that happens all day is my daughters hugging me and telling me I am the best mom in the world. It is days like that I should take that small positive and run with it and realize how lucky I really am. Other days, I am sure I make people sick with how happy and postive I am, I am excited, everything is going great, everything is falling into place, the girls are behaving, Jeff got home from school early, my pay check is bigger than expected....etc.  But than as I start to read Facebook posts, my mood starts to change, I see how cruel, evil, unloving, corrupt the world has become and I have allow myself to be influenced by that.

So my question stands to Facebook or not To Facebook?  I am trying to focus on sewing more to make items to sell.  Jasmin wants to learn how to read so bad that I find myself not helping her, I want to have a cleaner more organized home and I could be spending time on going through, cleaning out, finishing up, meal planning, etc.  But I don't I feel like I have no time, because I spend a lot of time on Facebook.  If I were to eliminate that I could get more done in the morning after I drop off the girls and before I go to work, I could focus on working out......Oh the time I have wasted.

I am afraid to give up Facebook, because I will loose touch with some people from high school, but if they truly cared, if they were truly my friends, we would be in touch outside of Facebook.  What if I miss out on someones engagement announcement or baby announcement or............Do I really need to be bothered by everyone elses lives espically those I never talk to?  It is just another way for me to compare myself to others and tear myself down.

This should not be a tough choice but it is....why is it so hard to give up something that is not the best thing for me?

The pros of giving it up by far out weigh the cons.  The biggest pro for me is that I would have more time during the day.  More time to cook, clean, be with my kids, go to the park, sew, read stories, just more time in general.  So what if I miss out on every ones play by play of their day.  If it does not build me up, make me feel better about myself, help me to improve myself than I do not need it.

My Cup Was Filled

This is a long wordy post, no pictures, just thoughts and feelings.

Today was a day of emotions.  A friend that we attend church with had a baby 2 weeks ago and the baby was born and looked good, but shortly after her birth she was sent to a children's hospital with some health problems.  After many tests, medical intervention, a lot of prayers, thoughts, good vibes, and more prayers her baby passed away.  I found out this morning before church and I felt devastated for the family.  I found out and told my husband and we both just stared at each other not knowing what to say or do. We continued to get ready for church and when we go there you could say many red eyes and somber faces.  

The Bishop announced that the baby passed and you could hear the collective sigh of the congregation as though someone punched everyone in the gut at the same time.  We were all saddened and many shocked by the news.  Church, all three hours, were very somber.  We all had quiet prayers for the family, prayers of comfort, prayers of strength, prayers of what can we do to help the family, prayers for understanding...I am sure the list can go on.  The theme that took place was coming together in times of need, trial, loss, etc.  The family expressed, through the bishop, thanks for the prayers, the visits, the thoughts, etc.  And informed us that even though their sweet baby passed away they were doing really well.  

Having the gospel in our lives makes hard things easier to bear. Not necessarily making the trial easier, but dealing with the trial is easier.  This family is an amazing family, and it is hard to see this happen to them.  It is hard to see it happen to anyone. We are not best friends with this family, but we are friends, so to watch friends go through such hard times is hard to watch.

Today I learned what it means to sorrow with those that sorrow.  I have gone through my own losses, I have watched another friend of mine loose her child after a month and many surgeries, I have watched friends and family members struggle, but today I truly learned what it means to sorrow with those that sorrow.  I am not sure what made today different, but as I silently shed my tears of grief, anguish.  I felt as though I lost my own child.  The feeling was overwhelming.  I do not know if it is because I am now a mom, or the spirit touched me in a different way, I do not have the answer, but I pray that because I was sharing in my friends sorrow today that she could feel we are making her burden lighter, that she knows we feel her pain and that we want to help. I always understood the phrase, we need to sorrow with those that sorrow, or at least I thought I did.  Today I truly understand what it means.  

Church went on and this sweet family was the center of church today, every thing that we talked about, came full circle to this family.  We did it out of love and admiration of how the Lord chose them to be the parents of such a sweet strong child that would be called home only after a few weeks of life.  As I sat and listened to comments and lessons, my admiration grew for these parents.  

Usually I ask the questions of "why me"  I have not had the easiest past few years.  My dad passed away, we lost a house we were trying to buy, my husband was unemployed for a few months.  I was struck with health problems, we have had to share a house with others since my dad passed away, we have not had the best of luck health wise and financially. I could go on with the struggles that we have some people know about them, but I have also dealt with many emotional battles that only Jeff knows about.  It has been hard.  I think what did I do to deserve this plight, why me, why cannot I be lucky enough to have my own place to live in, why did my dad have to die so fast, so unexpectedly, why.....why.....why.....Today my attitude changed.  My attitude changed from why me to why not me.  Why am I not lucky to have such a sweet spirit be born to me that will be called home in a few short week? (not that I would want to go through that, but it is thought of being strong enough to handle that) Am I not strong enough to handle the trials that others go through?  Are others strong enough to handle the trials I am going through?  Am I stronger than I give myself credit for?

When people find out that both my daughters were born with a cleft palate, their jaws drop and the first question I am usually asked is, how did you do it?  I reply what choice did I have?  Having children born with a cleft palate is hard, I am not going to lie, but it is not hard.  I think of all the things that could have gone wrong, all the health problems, defects, they could have been born with and I am thankful every day we only got cleft palates.

Maybe we are all stronger than what we give ourselves credit for.  I have many friends and family who have kids with life long health problems, I have a few friends and family who have lost babies in the first few weeks of life, I have friends and family who have their own health problems, marriage problems......OK we all have our problems.  But I am coming to realize that we are all stronger than what we give ourselves credit for.  I would in no way shape or form wish the trials that I have watched friends and family members have gone through on anyone not even my enemies.  I would not wish my health problems, mental problems, short comings on my enemy because what I have been through and am going through is not easy, it is not fair, but it is life.  Just because we cry ourselves to sleep a night once in a while, maybe some more often than others, does not mean we are weak! It means that we are being strong.  We strong because we wake up every morning to face a new day, it means we are  strong because we are able to keep our selves in check during the day to get our tasks done, to raise our children, to go to work, etc.  It means that we are strong because God has chosen us to handle the trial and not someone else.  Crying is an emotional release.  I am not sure about you, but I HATE to cry.  But once in a while after a good cry it is amazing at how much better I feel, how much clearer my head is, my perspective on my problem has changed.  It does not mean we are weak, it means we are strong.  If we were weak we would give up, we would walk away from our marriages, we would walk away from raising our kids, we would walk away from jobs, we would walk away from life.  But we don't we wake up in the morning and do it again. Sure it gets old, sure it is hard, sure, just like you, I wish I had an easier life, without problems, no yelling matches with my children, with not getting frustrated with my husband........you get the idea.  But at the end of the day I count my blessings, even in the middle of a dark, dreary, nothing has gone right, this was a terrible horrible no good very bad day, can I give up, when will I catch my break - mood.  I am than able to realize how lucky I am.  How amazing my children are, how I am lucky to have a roof over my head, to have a husband that is supportive, to have a job where boss understands the importance of families, and understands that no matter what is going on at work, my children and my husband come first and if that means leaving early to take care of them so be it.  I have been blessed with so many things, but I some times loose sight of my blessings when things get tough.  I sure do wish things were a lot different, but I am grateful that things are not a lot worse. So I decided that I need to start giving myself more credit for how strong I really am.

A quote that came to my mind today in church was "If you are too busy to read your scriptures and pray, you are busier than God ever intended" I am not sure who said it or where I read it but I love it.  As I thought about this quote I had some questions pop into my mind
Where do my priorities lie?
What can I do to conquer the noise in my life so I can become more in tune with the spirit?
Do I place to much emphasis on what society wants me to do and not enough in what I should do?
Will being organized help me feel less noise?
Cleanliness is next to Godliness - what can I do in my home to be cleaner/neater to feel the influences of Christ? I always took this figuratively.  But as I have gotten older I can that when I walk into a home that is clean and organized how good I feel when I am there, there is no feelings of being overwhelmed, I feel like I can concentrate.  But when I come home to my mess I feel overwhelmed, lost, that I am in a house not a home, that I have to much noise going on to truly feel the spirit and to be happy.
Am I teaching my children how to feel the spirit?

It is days like today during church you realize how blessed you are, you can see areas in your life where you can improve and need to improve, you realize that the people you go to church with are not perfect, that they all have there struggle, but we are all there to help and learn from each other.  It is day that when you get home from church you wish you could sit in silence and ponder all that was said.  It was a day where I felt loved, accepted, appreciated, and even felt the hand of the Lord in my life.  I learned that I need to take a different approach to life, and change my attitude, it is not easy, but it is something that I need to work on.  I cannot wait for Jeff to find a job, for my kids to start school, for us to be in a house or apartment where every square foot is ours to spread out in, I cannot wait until..........to make my life better, to be happy, to be able to raise my children how I want.  I need to start today.  I need to start today to change MY bad habits, to change the way we live, how we eat, the organization of my house.........Today is the day that change starts.  Sure I will fall, I will have bad days, but what is important is that everyday I make the effort to be better, to be more organized, to be kinder, to be healthier, to make changes so I am happier.

I am grateful for what I do have, for the blessings that are in my life, for the people that are in my life.  Today my heart has been filled with a prayer for my friend and her family as they are going through a rough unfair time in their lives, but I can also learn from them.  I am grateful that I have the challenges I do have to learn from them and hopefully one day in the future to be able to help someone else.