Tuesday, April 3, 2012

I hope.......

As people write about their life, I often will stop and think "Wow they are so amazing, they sound so educated and profound and my life is touched, not changed but touched.  I like to know that I am not the only one that is going through a rough patch, trial, struggle, etc.  As I write about my life, how cute my kids are, how hard life is, things that I have learned over the course of a trial, I hope that people do not read about me and think...."wow she is a drama queen" or "I just wasted my time reading that".  Am I profound? Do I touch peoples life? Do people want to be like me?

Growing up I have never felt important, I never felt as though I fit in anywhere, I never felt profound.  I have always felt that I not important, but not invisible.  I am just there.  To this day as I near my 30's I can count on one hand how many "close" friends I have.  I have a lot of friends, but I only have a handful I know I could call at 3 am in tears because something terrible happened, or I can call at 11pm with the best news in the world and I know I am not bothering them.  One of which happens to be my mom.

My mom is a person that is not just my mom or friend, but she is my hero.  I view her not as a mom, but as a counselor, Dr., nurse, chef, maid, a grandma, wife, teacher, seamstress, lawyer, mediator, peace keeper, ambulance, coach.....I think you get the idea.  I never understood what people meant that moms wear many different hats.  But now that I am mom of 2 small children I understand what that phrase means.  I find myself starting to fill out more of these roles everyday and many more to learn about.  How do moms do it?  How did my mom do it?  I often have told my young women teachers and best friends that if I can become half the mom my mom is I will consider my motherhood a success.

As I watch the news at night, and look back at how much my parents protected me. I hope that I have the wisdom, and knowledge of how to protect my children as well as they did.  I do not mean from robbers, and hurricanes, but the negative influences that are out there.  From people doing drugs, harming people for no reason, and any other negative influences that life brings.  I want my children to be aware, but innocent as they grow up.  Is that even possible these days?  The world record for the youngest pregnant person that delivered a living child is 5.. 5 YEARS OLD ARE YOU JOKING ME?  I hear all the time of 12 and 13 year olds giving birth to healthy babies.  Really at 12 I was more worried about how I was going to get to soccer practice, if I passed my math test, if the game coming up will be a good one, who am I going to call to hang out with over spring break.  Now I watch little girls get pregnant and are forced to grow up at such a young age.  I think "where is their parent?  How old is their parent?  Why are kids having sex?  It scares me as I have 2 little girls that I want to put into a closet and protect until they are 34.  I know I cannot do it so I how do I become the mom where my children will feel comfortable talking to me?  How do I become a wise person that can raise my children in such a difficult world?  As I think these thoughts I often ask my self how did my mom do it?  How many sleepless night did she have without us kids knowing it?  How often did my mom say a silent prayer that we would come home at the end of the day safe?  How many nights did she cry herself to sleep because she felt like she was a failure?

Being a mom is worth it but it is stressful and scary.  I am grateful that I married someone that is very wise to the world and knows what happens out there.  The old adage "ignorance is bliss" well that is me.........ignorant.  I do not listen to the news because it depresses me, I often cry and become angry when I hear about another dead child, or a child in the hospital because of child abuse.  I get scared when I hear about a school shooting, I get nervous when I hear about bullying.  I do not want my kids exposed to any of that, but it is unavoidable.  I am grateful that my husband is aware of what is going on and he can tell me in a manner that it does not upset me as much.  I am grateful to have the spirit to help guide me as the what to do with my children.  I am grateful for friends and family that are there to help me out and discuss current events and what we need to do to better protect our children.

Being a parent is stressful, it is not easy, but when my 3 year old climbed into bed with me this morning after my husband went to school and says "mom I slept to fast I don't want to be awake"Or when my 2 year old comes out of her room for the umpteenth time after we had prayers, read stories, and cuddled, and I am ready to yell at her to go to bed and stay put because bed time was 3 hours ago and she walks down the hall and looks up at her dad and says "daddy I am happy" and my husband stops and looks at her and smiles and replies "I am glad you are happy, but you know what will make me happy is if you go to bed and go to sleep" and she thinks for a minute "Ok daddy I will I love you too"  It brings a smile to my face. I am glad that I have my children and that I am a mom, that I have the chance to raise such sweet souls. It also makes me want to carry a tape recorder around to catch all the silly and sweet phrases that come out of their mouths.

Sweet exchanges like this happen regularly and they serve as a reminder of how innocent they are and as an affirmation to me that we are doing a good job raising our children.  I know it will only get harder as they get older, but I hope that I only become wiser and stronger to raise spirits that Heavenly Father has trusted me to raise.  Which brings me back to  I hope I am half the mom my mom is.

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