I have finished another set of feet. This one is for my daughter Jorilynn.
16 years ago today, my dad passed away. It was not expected, in fact hours before his passing we had talked I had hugged him, we even were making plans for the next Christmas. I wish I could say that over the past 16 years it has gotten easier - easier without him, but it has not. I have my days that I have an adult tantrum that he is no longer here. I want to stomp my feet and scream that it is not fair, how could my dad, my young, healthy, cancer free, funny, smart, book worm of a dad get ripped away from me so suddenly? I still get angry when I think of all the horrible people that are still walking the earth, but my dad - a man of God, a caring, loving, close to his family dad got ripped away from us so suddenly. IT IS NOT FAIR.
Just weeks before he passed away I made him promise me he would be alive to watch my kids grow up, that he would be an involved grandpa - traveling to games, cheering on my kids with life, giving them hugs, words of advice, teasing them, teaching them, laughing with them. He said to me "kid don't worry I have at least 20 more years of life in me". I did not get a chance to grow up with my grandpa's one died before I was born, one died when I was 2-ish years old. I never grew up them, I only have 1 memory of my grandpa.
I keep hoping it will get easier, I have moments that I say something along the lines of "OOOh I have need to call my dad" or I wish my dad was here to give me a hug, a dad hug, the hug that makes my brain stop, makes me feel safe, makes me know that all will be ok.
I have days that I am down right angry that he is gone, there are days I am sad and cry, there are days I am relieved he is no longer with us because of his arthritis and how horrible our world is getting. But over all I miss my dad a lot and even though it is not easier I have learned how to cope with him not being here with us anymore.
I know that I will get to see my dad again one day. I will get to hear his laugh, here is jokes, talk to him and get his hugs. I looked up to my dad, his knowledge, his wisdom, his ability to fix anything that went wrong.
