Friday, February 19, 2016

Am I Broken?

I sure hope not!

I know that I am not supposed to compare myself to others, I know I am not supposed to listen to the thoughts that Satan puts in my head, I know that right now my most important job is to raise my family and set an example for my kids of a loving home and how a marriage is supposed to work, but why do I feel so lost?  Why do I feel so overwhelmed?  Why does I feel like my efforts are not making a difference?  Why is it that I loose my temper at the drop of a hat?

I know I am not the only one that feels this way, some days that brings me great comfort.  Some days I sigh a big sigh of relief because I see other moms with kids my age look overwhelmed and are frustrated with their station in life, with the state of their house, with the final NO comes out as a yell and kids sulk away and pout and say things like "your the worst mom EVER"!

HOWEVER, other days there is no comfort in those, I find no comfort when someone else's house looks like an atomic bomb went off, or when their kids had cold cereal for the 3rd night in a row for dinner, or that they are having to dig through hampers of clean clothes to find a pair socks.

Everyday I wake thinking, today is going to be different, today I am going to get my kitchen cleaned, including scrubbing the floors, today is the day that ALL my laundry will be washed folded and put away, today is the day.........(insert whatever project, goal, task that needs to be done).  However, by the time the babies lay down for their nap and I focus on a few things, like getting things ready for taxes, and the babies wake up than its time for lunch, shortly after the big kids are home from school, than it is dinner time, and than the house falls apart with whiny kids, screaming, mom it's not fair........I throw my hands up and think.  Did I get anything done other than breaking up yet another yelling fight between kids, or comfort the crawler that just got whacked in the head again with a toy by the toddler.....Why do I even try?

I know I am not broken, but more often than not I feel broken, I feel lost, I feel that my efforts do not amount to anything, I feel like I am setting a bad example for my girls, I feel like I am loosing the battle, I feel all alone!

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