PARENTHOOD.....IS IT WORTH IT?

***I created this post early in the summer and due to craziness and life, I just found it again***

I often hear phrases along the lines of

"Enjoy this time of your life it goes fast"

"Motherhood is the most rewarding experience"

"There is a lot of joy in being a mom"

I am sure there are many more, but all of them are along these lines.  And I have to agree for the most part.  I look at my oldest daughter and think there is no way she will be turning 7 this summer!  I swear I just brought her home from the hospital and I was trying to figure out how to bath a newborn.

This was taken a shortly after we brought her home.  We were in Heaven,  life could not get any better than this. 

Almost 7 years later.....

Are you kidding me?  When did this happen?  When did she get to be this age?  

She is strong, stubborn, smart, beautiful, loving, obnoxious, beats to her own drum, confident, thoughtful, loud....and herself.  I sure do love even though on a daily basis she pushes boundaries, pushes my buttons, I end up frustrated with her.  She has taught me so much and continues to teach me on a daily basis.

Looking at how much she is grown this time has gone fast, but at the end of the day when I look around and see that my house is a disaster, my sink full of dishes, baskets for clothes that I am not sure if they are clean or dirty, sticky floors, I lost my temper with one of the children, I became overwhelmed by noise, look at the bank and see we are still broke.  I wonder is parenthood really worth it?  

I fantasize what my life would be like if it were just Jeff and I.  Would I be working?  Would we have a lot more money?  Would we be out of debt?  Would we have purchased a house by now?  Would we be living in a loft apartment over businesses? (A dream of mine to do)  Would our house be clean? This list can go on for a mile of how would my life be different?  

Do I miss the single life?  Absolutely!!! Do I miss the nights of being able to climb into bed at 7 pm and not feel guilty?  Of course!  Do I miss living by myself and having no one to answer too?  Of for sure!  Would I like to be able to sit and craft for hours on end and not be interrupted to make dinner or helping a child?  No doubt!  

As we were preparing to make a huge move, my in-laws took my 3 kids (at the time I was pregnant with #4) for a few days so I could fulfill some responsibilities I had committed too and so Jeff and I could focus on packing.  We were climbing into bed and the apartment was so quiet. We looked at each other and tried to remember what it was like before kids and what we did.  We both agreed that life was boring.  We are used to the chaos, the noise, the constant little fingers, that not having that  we were bored.

Sure parenthood brings on stress, noise, confusing, frustration, tension, anxiety........and sure we have the days of I wish I did not have kids and life would be so much easier. But in the long run I am so grateful that I am able to have kids and that I do have four amazing children.  As I teach them they teach me.  As I learn to love, they are learning to love.  I would never trade what my struggles are for a life without kids.  

Pet Peeves

Today as I sat at my desk and was trying to get things done I realized 2 things.  

1) that there are days when being an adult/parent really sucks.....like really sucks big time.  Today was one of those days.  Trying to make phones to take care of insurance and stuff. I ask my questions and then they say we have to transfer you just to be told that I have to do X Y Z to take care of situation A, oh and did you know you had to have form B filled out by the 15th.  

2) I have many small pet peeves, however, one of my biggest pet peeves is being disorganized.  I hate it when I go into someone's office and it is a mess and they cannot find anything.  Yet that is how my home office is.......AND I HATE IT!!! But yet for some reason I cannot seem to get organized.  I try and try and try and try and I just can't do it.  And not just my home office, but my house in general. I know that it takes 30 seconds to clean up after lunch but yet lunch dishes are still sitting out and not getting done.....I could on and on about how disorganized I am and most people will say, your a mom it's ok, and it might be to some extent, but I have been disorganized and messy my entire life.  

Being disorganized takes me back to point one, that getting organized and trying to be on top of it all reminds me of how much being a grown up can suck sometimes!!

A Time and a Season

 So there is a phrase I hate and when I say hate I mean it is like nails down a chalk board.....makes me want to shout at who said it and say SHUT UP.....raises my frustration level beyond boiling....I hate it when people tell me that there is a time and season for all things.......

However, as I gain wisdom for learning what it means to be a good mom, as my days are now filled with changing poppy diapers, getting kids on and off the bus, trying to keep a clean and organized house, and supporting my husband with his hard work to provide for the family; I am learning how true that statement is.  It does not change my feelings about when people say it though.

When it is said I instantly look around at other moms that have kids the same age as mine, or at least close in age, my thoughts jump to "how is it they can  go to the gym, have a clean house, sit i front of their of their sewing machine for hours on end, their house is amazingly decorated, look at all of the crafts they get done......but I can't". 

After I think about that I get the gentle reminder that their circumstances, even though similar, is different than mine.  I don't know what sacrifices that they have had to make to be where they are today. I don't know what their desires are, or what they wish they had time to do, maybe they look at me and say think to themselves, it's not fair that she gets to........(whatever it is they think). 

As I learn about the sacrifices my mom has made and continues to make to be the mom that she is. I realize that part of being a good mom is giving up some of my desires and wants to put my children first and to accept the fact that time for me will be hard to come by for many years to come.  I am not saying that it is a bad thing. But just another adjustment in life.  Life is all about changing to become a better person, develop talents, however, it does not make it any easier to accept the fact that there is a season and time for everything.

Easy To Forget......

As a mom it is natural to go through a roller coaster of emotions and moods.  You asked to do things right now by kids and your husband.  You need to go potty but first you need to feed the baby, get lunch ready for the kids, you need to make a phone call.....pretty soon your cranky and yelling at everyone and have no idea why.  That's when you look at the clock see it is 4:30 you still haven't gone potty and realized the only thing that you have  for lunch is the last 3 bites of sandwich your child let of their plate and the 4 carrot sticks and a quick drink of water.

You look around your house and think "so what did I get done today?"  You see piles of dirty clothes that you were going to wash, Overflowing garbage, Breakfast bowls still in the sink.........

Than comes bedtime and you remind yourself my kids are alive and giggling...you did something right today.

As I sit here after a day that started out strong and slowly went to a less productive day, rocking my 10 month old to sleep early because the only nap she got was this morning for about 1 hour... Listening to her breath I forget how blessed my life is, what a blessing my kids are to me, how much I love them.  I forget that all they want it mom time, snuggle time, to be loved and noticed...

Motherhood is not easy there are days I say to myself...if only I did not have kids, if only they were older.....if only........but than I am gently reminded that these are the God days.  When The baby giggles at her older sisters, the joy I feel from knowing my kids all love each other, the joy I feel when my older kids help out people without being asked....

It is easy to forget that I am one blessed mom and wife with a wonderful family....

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP?

So I am at that point in the pregnancy now that my heart burn is horrible, I get up about 1,000 times a night to pee, I can't get comfortable when I sleep......so here I am the second night in a row with insomnia.

It does not help either that my mind has decided to start fretting about EVERYTHING.  No really I mean everything.

Is this baby going to have a cleft palate?
How can we afford another one?
Are we ever going to get out of debt?
Am I a good mom?
How can I teach my children to be neater/cleaner?
Will I ever become organized?
Should I stop blogging?
I am too much of a negative person?
Why has Jeff stuck with me this long?
Am I really beautiful to him or does he say that to make me feel good?
Will I ever be under 200 pounds again?
How do my friends have the confidence to sell their crafts but I don't?
Could I sell what I make and help pay bills?
Do I need to find a job?
I need to learn to cook..
Should I start menu planning?

So I think you get the idea.  When my mind starts thinking like this I get super duper mad at Jeff because he is laying next to me snoring, sweating, drooling, dreaming.  ME I am flipping and flopping wishing to go back to sleep.

So tonight instead of laying there I decided to get up.  However I cannot do much because I do not want to wake up the family. I would love to turn on a movie and sew, but my sewing machine is in our loft right between our bedroom and the girls bedroom and if I shut doors the rooms get super hot or I end up waking up one of the kids or Jeff will ask me what is wrong and tell me to go back to bed.

One of my biggest eye sores in my house is my desk.  I have stacks of papers, bills, things to scan, boxes of stuff stacked next to it.  So here I sit, working on simplifying my e-mail in box, scanning receipts, bills etc, sorting out bills, and generally working on my desk.

So when the sandman decides your done sleeping at 3 in the morning.  What do you do?

Time Fly's

NOTICING A TREND.....

I like to be late with posting my ORT

http://itsdaffycat.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-totally-useless-stitch-long-2014.html

So once again, I am late. 

I have been doing a lot of.....well......Not sure what I have been doing a lot of lately other than getting my kids on and off the school bus, changing poopy diapers, running errands and being pregnant.  

I am way behind on stitchings and quilt projects, but what is new.

My baby is 10 months old and I still have her birth announcement to finish.  I have not even started looking for a new birth announcement for my baby that will be born in about 9 weeks.  Little lone an awesome idea for Christmas for my in-laws.

All well some progress is better than nothing.....so even though I am late here is my jar.....

This is more from sewing and finishing up a started sewing projects than it is from stitching.
But it does show progress that I my Ph.D's (Projects half done) are getting done.

So I guess like always it is better late than never and I hope that I am not penalized......Tee Hee.

September Was Very Useless

http://itsdaffycat.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-totally-useless-stitch-long-2014.html

So all summer I have not done an ounce of stitching.  Why?  Because we have moved and all my stitching stuff is still in a box, someplace in this house.  I have also been exhausted and unmotivated with how much is going on and everything that needs my attention.  I fall into bed at 10 ish and I am asleep at 9:59 ish.

Life has been a whirlwind, but we are finally falling into a routine, I think.  My 2 older girls are in school and having fun, my baby is growing like a weed, and baby #4 is due in January, and I have been trying to get everything switched from one state to another state, as well as cleaning out our clutter and stuff.

So my picture this month is......well non existent.  Hopefully next month is better.